It’s been 5 ½ weeks and I’ve quickly realized what the “2:30 feeling” is. Our days are long, but the weeks are short. My days begin at 5:30am ends around 11:30pm.
The Week:
Monday-Friday we have Spanish classes from 8-9:45, but we stay at UCA until 11 to build relationships that lead to discipleship. We have already met some really cool Salvadorans in our first few weeks. Every other Monday we also have bible classes with Ryan and Keeley Blackstock. Each class we talk about some cultural differences that we've noticed. For example, Salvadorans dress up everywhere they go and they ALWAYS have on pants. It doesn't matter if Satan himself kissed earth, they would STILL be wearing pants. It's pretty amazing. In addition to this, we have been learning how to study, truly study, the Bible. Things like: context, audience and such are important when reading.
Every Tuesday and Thursday we have English classes at La Iglesia where we have English conversations with Salvadorans. This has been the coolest experience. This past Thursday some of my teammates had a conversation with this guy who was far from God. He told them about his past and how he has been clean for 5 weeks. He asked if this church was okay with tattoos and stuff and one of my teammates showed him her tattoo. He was very open about who he was and where he came from. It was really cool to be able to say, "we accept all," because some of the previous churches he attended weren't like that. Every other Tuesday and Thursday we also have an English class at UCA. Most of the students in these classes are fluent in English and they use this time to ask us about the education in the U.S. I was asked questions like, “What’s the difference between public and private schools in America? What does curriculum mean to you?” It was really neat to be able to sit and talk with the students. After this experience, I also learned that Facebook is a big deal. After the class, they found all of us on Facebook and friended us lol.
Every Wednesday we have a BIble study with Mario where he goes through the sermon he preached on Sunday, in English. We also go to La Iglesia and do outreach where we walk on the streets, talk to people, and prayer walk. A couple of weeks ago we met this atheist couple who spoke English, but we didn’t get a chance to speak with them for long, so this past week we went to the same house and spoke with the wife. We had an awesome conversation with her and she offered to show Brant, Sherri and I more of El Salvador. She took Brant’s number, and we plan on going out for dinner with her soon. We are creating a relationship with her that will, we hope in the long run, lead to her accepting Christ.
Besides Spanish class, Fridays are free days. We get a chance to talk to family, catch up on sleep, work on Spanish, experience the culture and dive into the word. We also plan to start practicing T4T discipleship at UCA.
Saturdays we have another English class at UCA!
Sundays we have church at La Iglesia and English church. This past Sunday during English church we prayed for each other the entire time. English church generally lasts 2 hours and about 1 hour and 30 minutes of that was used to pray. We literally just sat in a circle and voiced all of our prayer requests one by one and prayed over each and every one of them. Even after we went around the circle, some of us still had things that we needed to pray for, and we prayed over that too. It was such an intimate time. It was the epitome of church. To sit together, not to be talked at, but just to pray for each other. Genuinely caring, giving, sacrificing. It was the most awesome experience. During these short 5 weeks my love for prayer has grown exponentially.
Things I've learned about myself:
I'm an INTROVERT…(cue music) dun dun dunnnn
~I NEED alone time. Like for real. It is the air I breathe.
~I am not a big fan of small talk. It's awkward and I'm bad at it.
~I like small groups of people.
~I love deeper more intimate conversations.
~During those conversations, I enjoy listening more than talking.
~With a house full of 14 people, I’m learning how important it is to take ANY annoyances or frustrations before God. For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Both good and bad.
I’ll be quite honest. For a while I was a little frustrated, because I didn’t feel like God was moving. I didn’t feel like I was doing anything important. I was sitting learning Spanish and doing some ministry, but it didn’t seem like enough! I wanted to do great things right when I got off the plane. I wanted to see God do incredible things right away, but the goal of this trip, to make a disciple that loves the Lord, knows how to study the bible, and is discipling another person, seems so far in the distance that it’s a little discouraging. I’ve realized that I have to focus right now in order to accomplish that goal. I have to give my FULL attention to what He is doing right now and learn Spanish. I can't worry about what will happen months from now, because then I won't accomplish anything. Just because this will take a little longer, doesn’t mean it won’t be just as incredible. Job 5:9 says, “He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed and miracles that cannot be counted.” Even though I cannot do great and “incredible” things right away, I can do small things in a great way that lead to God doing something incredible. I’m learning to wait patiently for His plan. Just because I don’t see him moving, doesn’t mean he’s not working. I’m so excited to see what the next 8 months will bring.
Missing family and friends a little. Trusting that God can fill all the gaps in your life and all the holes in your heart is hard, but I know that He is enough...more than enough.
Prayer walking is a part of our ministry. Each week all go to La Iglesia and split up into groups of 3 or 4. One translator in each group. This week my group consisted of me, Sherri and Brant Fountain, our leader. Brant talked to the men we came across while walking and Sherri and I talked to the women we came across while Brant translated for us. While we were walking we stopped and talked to whoever was on the street and asked this question, “If God could do a miracle in your life, what would it be?” The first woman we talked to said, “to change me”. As in, if God could do a miracle in her life, it would be to change her. She said that she was a bad person. Then she said to change El Salvador. Two incredibly honest responses that most people are afraid to admit. Nobody thinks they are “bad” and no one wants to openly admit how terrible their country is, mostly due to pride. So we prayed with her. After this we continued walking, and we came across a guy that was working on a house. We asked him the same question and he said, “live to 70, because this life is all that matters.” Brant simply replied, “That’s not what the bible says” and he invited him to english classes.
I wonder how many people in the world think like this? How many people toil through this life thinking that it will actually matter in the perspective of eternity?
“What profit has a man from all his labor In which he toils under the sun? All things are full of labor; Man cannot express it. The eye is not satisfied with seeing, Nor the ear filled with hearing.” ~Ecclesiastes 1:3, 8
“Just as Death and Destruction are never satisfied, so human desire is never satisfied.” ~Proverbs 27:20
Life outside of Christ is so pointless. We can spend our whole lives building ourselves and our kingdoms up, but we will never be satisfied. Our lives are nothing but a blip on the heartbeat of eternity. We are only dust, and our lives are like vapor. I don’t want to live my short time on Earth building something that will vanish, I want to help build something that will last. He is the ONLY One that is everlasting and the only One worth living for.
Tear down the walls see the world Is there something we have missed Turn from ourselves Look beyond There is so much more than this...
So we have been here a solid three weeks now. Like ¾ths of a month and almost 1/9th of our trip. Three weeks down and I have realized how heavily guarded I am. I’m open. I’ll tell you my story and everything and you’ll get all the outside stuff, but if you try to dive too deep, the walls are up. And I don’t even think it’s an issue with trust, because I HATE going too deep into my own thoughts. I will listen to someone else all day, but I’m not very fond of thinking about myself. I don’t know why, but I do not enjoy trying to figure out why I do what I do or why I feel a certain way. Who am I? I can give you characteristics and tell you I’m a child of the living God, but beneath that I honestly don’t think I know. I have prayed since I signed up that God would smash me to bits, so that He can build me up. So that I know who I am and can confidently say that He is the solid rock, and firm foundation on which I stand. It’s going to be a hard process, no doubt, but it’s necessary. I am clay in the hands of My Father.
“My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved.” ~Psalms 62:5-6
The second week has been SO BUSY! A lot happens in one week here. It’s almost as if time here and time in the U.S. are not measured the same. When it’s 3:00, it feels like 6:00. 20 minutes feels like an hour. One week is like a month. I’m connecting with people here like I’ve known them for years. And I’m trying to capture, remember and write everything possible and, with the best of my ability, get all the information on here (without it being unbearably long). So, here you go! Love you guys :)
Tuesday: Training with Jorge: Jorge is an amazing guy that is connected to La Iglesia and he comes out and teaches us twice a week. During this training session we talked about our worth. “We are human beings, not human doings.” Our worth is not based on the things we do, but who we are in Christ.
Wednesday: Training with Brant: During this training session we talked about group communication and some common problems found in conversation. For instance, some people monopolize conversations, others think about their response instead of truly listening.
Gym: Due to the high fat content of the fried foods we eat, we have a high risk of gaining weight...quickly. lol So we decided to join a gym also. :)
Thursday: We went downtown to watch a Salvadoran friend of ours play his championship game in soccer. It was actually pretty awesome. He is the star player of the team scoring like 11 or 12 goals in the tournament.
After the game we headed home via bus and when we got off at our stop I hear Jessica Newell, the intern, say, “Don’t look.” Naturally, the sound of urgency in her voice sparked my curiosity, but I didn’t look. As we are walking across the street I happen to glance in the direction that she said not to look in and I see a guy on the ground. Part of his skull smashed. He had been hit by a car about 5 minutes before we stepped off the bus. On our walk back home I prayed for his family who was probably expecting him home for dinner, for his friends and everybody else that will never see him again. We had been dodging cars (walking downtown, no we weren’t playing in traffic) all day. That could’ve been any one of us. Life passes so quickly. Our days are like a fleeting shadow, we are like breathe and life is like vapor. I could not be more grateful to be alive and doing His work.
We also shared the timelines of our lives. We each spent 20-25 minutes basically walking through all of the major events of our lives. It was actually a very cool and intimate experience. This allowed Brant and Julie to understand why we are who we are and where we come from.
Friday: Training with Brant: We talked about handling conflict and we went and looked at scripture to find the biblical way to handle tension that may occur during the year.
Saturday: Did chores!
Although I haven’t done much ministry with Salvadorans, I have been doing ministry. I have been ministering daily to my teammates as I learn to serve on a level that I haven’t truly been exposed to. Putting myself last, to cater to the comfort of someone else. Washing dishes just so they could go and enjoy some down time. Helping our cook clean up while everyone goes about their own business. Cleaning up and picking up just before locking up the house. Doing all these things with a cheerful attitude, because there is more joy in serving than being served. More joy in helping and doing for others, even when it means sacrifice like time or money. It is completely worth it. Don’t serve to receive, but serve to glorify the Father.
Sunday: La Iglesia: I can’t wait until I really understand Spanish, because then the services will be more fruitful. However, I am making Salvadoran friends!!
English Church: I’m quickly realizing that this is my most favorite time of the week. We literally sit in a circle and worship and study. Jessica Newell, the intern, can sing and play guitar and she’s so AWESOME. I can always feel the Holy Spirit moving everytime we worship together. Some of us are sitting, others are standing. Some of us are on our knees, others have their hands in the air. The worship is genuine. This week we talked about Trust and Deliverance which was tied into our discussion from last week in 2 Corinthians.
2 Corinthians 1:7-10
vs. 7 “And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation.”
This is referring to Paul’s hope in the Corinthians suffering. When he says partakers, he means partner. We are partnered with Christ as co-heirs. He has inheritance of all blessings and we are co-heirs of those blessings. We are also partners with Christ in His sufferings. But where there is suffering, there will be matched consolation.
vs. 8 “For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life…”
Paul’s suffering was so bad, it couldn’t even be measured. It was beyond human endurance.
vs. 9 “Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead…”
Paul’s experiences gave Him an incredible ultra human perspective of life. He walked around with the sentence of death in himself , so that he could be a better minister. God will lead His people through anything necessary, because trust in Him is more valuable than physical existence. Trust will go on forever. This life will not.
1 Peter 1:6-7 says, “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ…”
It’s the tested genuineness of our faith that is more precious than gold. He does not blink to allow persecution in our lives, because it builds our trust in Him. Paul’s suffering was extreme, but he continued to trust in God. This says that our God is INCREDIBLY trustworthy.
vs. 10 “...who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us…”
He was, is and will continue to be faithful. However, your trust in God shouldn’t be dependant on your deliverance. Sometimes the deliverance God offers isn’t always what we want. This life is just the stage of eternity. Eternity started when I gave my life to Christ. If God doesn’t deliver me physically, it is insignificant to how he spiritually delivered me. So regardless, God will always deliver us. He keeps our faith in the palm of His hands. It is imperishable. What it means to be delivered is that our deliverer will never leave us or forsake us. He is always there. When I saw verse 10, my mind immediately went to Psalms 31:14 “But as for me, I trust in you O Lord, You are my God. My times are in Your hands.”
Monday: Training with Brant at the Mall: We talked about respect and the difference between respecting peers and leaders.
Bible study with Mario: We will be doing a study of Exodus throughout the year going through the verses step by step. You all have no idea. Pastor Mario is one of the most awesome men I have ever met in my life. We went through Exodus 1:1-7 and he gave me a fresh perspective. I’m so excited to do these bible studies every week. I will post about this study next week :)
Tuesday: Metro Centro: This is the largest mall in El Salvador, and I’ve also heard Central America! This was just a part of orientation where we walked through and they showed us some of the stores.
Museum: We went to an adult museum that gave me a new view of El Salvador and the history of the culture. Normally I HATE history museums, but for some reason, this time I was sucked in. I just couldn’t get enough. In the short time that I have been here, the culture has absolutely captured my heart.
Also while we were there I noticed that in the Post Classic period, they worshipped a lot of gods. They had a god of: water, sun, rain, earth, planets…pretty much a god for everything. It just made me think about how truly awesome our God is. Our God is THE God of water, rain, storms, earth, creation, the heavens, and best of all, He is MY God! As I was standing there I came to the realization that my life is nothing but a blip on the heartbeat of eternity, but the author of all things created me and prepared me beforehand for glory. I am an object of His mercy and I was created that I might make known the riches of his glory...like woah.
Random Facts:
I had the honor of serving someone their first peanut butter and jelly sandwich!
Ants are all over the place, but they don’t bite so it’s okay :)
The smog in L.A. can’t even compare to the smog in El Salvador.
I laid in a hammock for the very first time.
My group has a lot of awkward silences, especially during our group training and meetings. At one point in one of the training sessions it was so quiet in there you could hear a fly fart...It was like an angelic whistle. It was quite beautiful actually lol
We have roaches the size of small cats here...okay not really, but they are HUGE! I was also told that they can crawl out of the shower drain at night, so that freaks me out.
Upcoming…
We start Spanish classes (16th).
We start really working with La Iglesia. We have been divided into groups to organize youth group, English class and children’s ministry.
We start our small groups with our leaders soon too!
(There will be more information to come about all of this :))
I always thought that to be closer to God, you had to be alone so that you can focus more. But I’m slowly realizing that the right people can bring you closer than you ever imagined. God rejoices in community.
I’ll be quite honest right now…my quiet time here has not been as great as I have wanted it to be. You’d think that being here, on the field, it would be easy peasy to connect with God and hear from Him daily...hourly. But distractions, noises and thoughts have bombarded my mind. Satan’s doing I’m sure. The past few days I have literally just sat in silence, because that was the only thing I could do to “connect” with Him. Physically still, but my thoughts all over. Then a couple of nights ago, He met me where I was. He showed up. Him and all His majesty. I was sitting on the roof at night, deep in thought and I happened to look up. In front of me was a volcano. Behind me there was a full moon (very first I’ve seen since I’ve been here). To my right, off in the distance, I saw a lightning storm dancing across the sky. To my left there were clouds majestically painted across the sky. And up above me were stars (also the very first that I’ve seen here). In a moment He showed me His glory. In a moment he quieted me spiritually and brought me to a place where I could find Him only. I was completely and absolutely inundated with love.
“When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which you have ordained, What is man that You are mindful of him…?” ~Psalm 8:3
The flight went well. The very first thing that shocked me about being here was the customs form we had to fill out. Instead of the spanish being in smaller letters under the english, it was opposite. I also learned that they don’t take left turns, so there are round-a-bouts everywhere.
Day Two: Discipleship Training
~Discipleship is a lifestyle~
I learned that discipleship is not a hobby something that you do occasionally. He wants us to take ownership of making disciples. As Jesus went, he made disciples. This is what we are called to do.
~Jesus didn’t see people as interruptions, he sees them as invitations~
Christ wasn’t too busy to save us, so I should make time for others...right? Problem is, I don’t...haven’t. Too often I have put people aside to do things. They could’ve been potential followers. Or I would attempt to show them, but I never knew exactly what steps to take, because they were “beyond” my level. Never again will I make this mistake.
We learned how to make disciples and how to start conversations that can open the door. I have always known how to explain the gospel, but never this way.
What is really cool is that the things I’m learning aren’t El Salvador lessons. They are life lessons. This is preparing me to lead not follow.
Day Three: Discipleship training and prayer walk
Second day of discipleship training where we went through the scriptures and prayed that God would open homes (Luke 10:5-7), open hearts (Acts 2:17-21), open heavens (Isaiah 64:1), open hands (Matthew 10:7-8), and open highways (Proverbs 15:19).
After reviewing how to present the gospel and how to start a conversation, we went to the area around La Iglesia and did a prayer walk where we split up into groups, each with a translator and asked God to do what only he could do. When we all reunited, we came back with some cool stories and things we prayed for. In the group I was in, there was a lady standing at her garage door. When she initially saw us, she seemed very closed up and hard. I decided to go up and ask her, “If God could do a miracle in your life. What would it be?” At that, she lit up. A smile came across her face and she shared, “My son is dying and I am struggling with hypertension.” She basically asked for physical healing. She also expressed that she does go to church. So, I prayed over her and my group and I moved right along.
It was incredibly simple. No miraculous things happened that night, but I know seeds were planted and I know God takes pleasure in the simple steps of faith.
Day Four: Beach Day BEACH!! Do I really need to say anything else ;)
Day Five: Volcano
We literally drove up the entire volcano. It shocked me to see people living on this volcano. Children, animals, families. It wasn’t like Kennesaw Mountain. This thing was massive. It was a testament to God and all of His glory.
We can actually see a volcano from our roof, which I still haven’t gotten used to.
Day Six: Church and English Church
La Iglesia was...interesting. I hate to say this, but we sat completely clueless throughout the entire worship experience. I can’t wait to start spanish classes (we start Sept. 11th). On the bright side I did get a chance to talk to a few of the members closer to my age and they said they’d help me :)
Later on we did “English Church”. We went through 2 Corinthians 1:1-6. Step by step. Verse by verse. Meditating. Savoring.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort…
If HE is the God of ALL comfort, then where else could comfort possibly come from?? Most often we find our comfort from worldly things, but any comfort outside of God only gratifies the flesh, therefore its effect is only temporary so it doesn’t solve the problem. It only masks it.
...who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
He comforts us in ALL our troubles. It is always available. We just have to accept it. And then, that same comfort we receive is to be an example to comfort others with the same struggles.
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
The level of our sufferings will always be met by Christ’s consolation.
If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.
I praise God that I have struggles. If I didn’t have struggles, then I probably wouldn’t feel a longing need for Him. He would no longer be my Father and personal Savior, but He would be a so called “divine being” that “wrote” a book. I would no longer have a personal relationship with Him, but there would be an aching gap between us. Thank you my Heavenly Father for the struggles I have. For with every struggle, I draw nearer. With every problem, I pull closer
Day Seven: Orientation
The culture here is very...helpful. In America, society tells us that you help yourself and if you need help from other people, then you are less of a person. In El Salvador, people love to help. It doesn’t matter how busy they are, if you are in need they will drop everything to help you.
While I was standing on the bus, this lady literally took my backpack off my shoulder and sat it in her lap. I was flabbergasted to say the least. In America, you help yourself. In El Salvador, it’s a group effort.
P.S. Every post won’t be like this. I was just letting you guys see what my first week was like.
I have quickly realized that it becomes harder to focus when there is chaos. Harder to see God's hand and hear Him when there are 13 mouths speaking. I'm learning to be silent and listen for Him. I'm learning to stop, watch and learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
Hours before my flight, my mind is bombarded with questions...
I question the significance of my part...this role I'm playing.
I worry that He will not use me in the way I have imagined in my head.
I am unsure, and I feel inadequate. I am walking into the unknown, uncharted waters, so I'm anxious. It's like I have the lamp ahead of me to light my path, but I still walk cautiously to make sure the next step I take is safe.
I see people say I'm a "world changer", but I don't feel it!
I wonder what will happen afterwards...Will my heart be in El Salvador? Will I never want to come back to the U.S.? Or will I never want to leave the U.S. again?
Will I fold under the pressures of this trip and crack under Satan's strength? Or will I stand strong in the Lord, bend to His will and be clay in His hands?
It's hard not to have expectations, but I'm expecting incredible things. What if incredible things don't happen?
Just as these questions roll into my mind, I am forced to remember that it is not about ME. In this movie called life, I am not the star. I'm a tiny piece of a puzzle much larger than I could ever imagine. It doesn't matter how significant my role is, because all of the pieces of this puzzle matter and all are important to God. The mundane things matter to Him just as much as the big things. I worry about how much He will move in El Salvador. And as much as I'd like to know, He owes me no answer. His thoughts and ways are much higher than mine. However, I do know that He is an incredible God. I prayed bold prayers, and I wholeheartedly believe that He will show up and show off in El Salvador.
I am just in awe that He has called ME to go. Of all the people my glorious God could've chosen, He chose me. And with that being said, I know that He will equip me with all I need, even if I feel inadequate. Following God isn't about feeling, it's about faith. Faith. noun. Strong belief and trust in someone. I trust Him. He has brought me this far, so why wouldn't I? I can plan my steps, but He directs my path. He leads me, he comes behind me and has His hand on my head to guide me. My God is my strength, my personal bravery and my invincible army. Whom shall I fear?
I will not fear, God you are with me. I know You're near, You'll never leave me. I will trust in You alone....