It was January. The team dynamic was a little crazy, because our leader, Brant, had typhoid fever. I was...sensitive and emotional...yes, emotional. I was uncertain, emotional and sensitive. I was uncertain about my future and where God was leading me next. I had a few options. They could all glorify Him, but still, I had to choose. God had been speaking to me a lot, making me question everything that I was previously certain about: nursing, school, and life back at home. God put thoughts in head that made me question my reasoning for wanting to go into nursing. I wanted to glorify Him, but I realized that it wasn’t the root of the reason. There was a second reason, one that I didn’t realize was there. My mom. My mom is someone that I’ve always modeled my life after. I’ve always looked up to her and wanted so much to be like her. That is, until a couple of years ago. It’s not that she stopped being a great mom, it’s that I realized Jesus was better model. What I didn’t know was that nursing was attached to that. There was still a slight longing to be like her. Now, I still LOVE nursing. But, God has had me put it aside for a moment to focus and make sure it’s all for Him.
A couple days after I questioned my motives for nursing, Mario, my pastor, approached me with the opportunity of an internship for next year. I can say with confidence that I looked at him like he had lost his mind. INTERNSHIP? I was planning my life and God placed an internship in front of me. That night I thought about, prayed and weighed my options.
The next day Mario came to me again and I presented to Him my concerns which included: I feel unequipped, without adequate knowledge and experience, young, and nervous about support.
He looked at me with a straight face and said, “All those things that you mentioned are things God doesn’t really care about. Those “setbacks” allow His power to be shown more through you.”
Later on that night, I went on the roof at the Gap house with my bible in hand and prayed, cried, and prayed some more. I told God everything that was on my mind. All of my worries and concerns, I laid them at His feet.
“Who am I that you should use me? I am the least worthy. I don’t know anything. I feel inadequate. I don’t know enough of the bible for this. I am not fit for Kingdom work.”
After these flood of thoughts, I turn to Exodus 3 verse 11 where Moses asks God the same question that I did..."who am I?" A little further down in verse 14 God says, “I AM.”
It doesn’t matter who I am, or what I can do, because He is, “I AM.” Everything I am not and more, and He is with me.
In that moment on the roof, in my tears God spoke to me with comforting words saying, “You ask me, “who am I”, when it doesn’t matter who you are, because I AM who I AM. You feel like you don’t know anything, but that’s okay, because you know me...and that is enough.”
That very next week I signed up for the internship, and two days later I was accepted to be the intern for the 2015-2016 Global Year El Salvador Team. Lord knows that I am scared to death and would rather follow my plan and go to school, but He has called me back to El Salvador for another 9 months and I am joyfully following where He is calling me out of love, obedience, and trust. This year, fundraising will be harder. I don’t have a job and I’ve been away from home for 8 months, but I have faith that God will supply everything I need and more over the next four months. In order to come back I need to raise $7,700 by August. Please join me in prayer as I begin my journey in fundraising and if you feel led to do so, please support me at http://www.gofundme.com/rxqwyc.
I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small,
child of weakness, watch and pray.
Find in me, thine all in all.”
A couple days after I questioned my motives for nursing, Mario, my pastor, approached me with the opportunity of an internship for next year. I can say with confidence that I looked at him like he had lost his mind. INTERNSHIP? I was planning my life and God placed an internship in front of me. That night I thought about, prayed and weighed my options.
The next day Mario came to me again and I presented to Him my concerns which included: I feel unequipped, without adequate knowledge and experience, young, and nervous about support.
He looked at me with a straight face and said, “All those things that you mentioned are things God doesn’t really care about. Those “setbacks” allow His power to be shown more through you.”
Later on that night, I went on the roof at the Gap house with my bible in hand and prayed, cried, and prayed some more. I told God everything that was on my mind. All of my worries and concerns, I laid them at His feet.
“Who am I that you should use me? I am the least worthy. I don’t know anything. I feel inadequate. I don’t know enough of the bible for this. I am not fit for Kingdom work.”
After these flood of thoughts, I turn to Exodus 3 verse 11 where Moses asks God the same question that I did..."who am I?" A little further down in verse 14 God says, “I AM.”
It doesn’t matter who I am, or what I can do, because He is, “I AM.” Everything I am not and more, and He is with me.
In that moment on the roof, in my tears God spoke to me with comforting words saying, “You ask me, “who am I”, when it doesn’t matter who you are, because I AM who I AM. You feel like you don’t know anything, but that’s okay, because you know me...and that is enough.”
That very next week I signed up for the internship, and two days later I was accepted to be the intern for the 2015-2016 Global Year El Salvador Team. Lord knows that I am scared to death and would rather follow my plan and go to school, but He has called me back to El Salvador for another 9 months and I am joyfully following where He is calling me out of love, obedience, and trust. This year, fundraising will be harder. I don’t have a job and I’ve been away from home for 8 months, but I have faith that God will supply everything I need and more over the next four months. In order to come back I need to raise $7,700 by August. Please join me in prayer as I begin my journey in fundraising and if you feel led to do so, please support me at http://www.gofundme.com/rxqwyc.
I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small,
child of weakness, watch and pray.
Find in me, thine all in all.”